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Regrettably, you have found yourself in uncharted climes, and would do well to recalibrate your sextant and make good your escape before the anthropophagi arrive. Might we suggest you put the Inter-Tubes to their true and proper intent by visiting the site of some reputable merchant proffering a range of solidly crafted goods and services of uncertain provenance and dubious necessity? Or perhaps by reviewing the commentary of some truculently self-aggrandizing ignoramus holding forth ad infinitum upon a variety of subjects about which he {and it is almost invariably a he, is it not?} evidently possesses only the barest scintilla of knowledge?